Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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