in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize