Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
40s are totally the cure
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
