i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
