I think I died a long time ago.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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