so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
