Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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