12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
