Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Boobs are out for the taking
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
