We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
