Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
