I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
