I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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