My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
