I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
