I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
