Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
