I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
