i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
