I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
