I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
