I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
