Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I think i got beer on your cat.
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