he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
