you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
