i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
