All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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