Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
