8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
