we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
this boner is exhausting
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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