this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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