shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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