I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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