I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
