You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
