And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
