i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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