I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
