So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
