You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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