bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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