Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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