dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize