This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
