just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
