You're my little dorito
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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