i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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