I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
