i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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