I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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