I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize