Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
