I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
