my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
