haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
