We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
