Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
