Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
