As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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