My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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