Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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