Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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