my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize