and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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