that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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