I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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