we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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