So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
