Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
