he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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