I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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