This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
