A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
