Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
God, you're like boner-b-gone
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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