you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
