i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
