I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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