Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
