this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
