he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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