I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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