this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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