Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
