just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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