I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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