and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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