I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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