i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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