You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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