Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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