Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
