You're my little dorito
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
