I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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