I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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